Dear work place food bandit,
I have been trying to forget that I feel this way for quite a while, but I can’t pretend anymore. I am really pissed off at you for stealing my wedding cake, You know when you took my lunch and failed to see the little note on my cake that read, Happy 1st Year wedding anniversary Darling! Well let me share how that makes me feel… When you slobbered all over my wedding cake I felt really sick Not so much light headed or even dizzy but really, really, ready to vomit! It makes me want to buy another wedding cake, and re- take my vows! I would like to think that I am not the only one who feels this way. As a matter of fact, you know management? Well they told me that, they watched the store video tapes, and said that you did not even eat my cake, you shoved it down your pants, and you were wearing ladies underwear and now everyone thinks you are bat ass crazy!!!!
You know what they say: If one person says you’re not playing with a full deck, you can forget it. When two people say you’re a fry short of a happy meal, you might want to consider it. When three people say you’re a person who’s elevator does not go to the top floor , you might want to stop spending all your money on cheap booze and women and buy your own food!. It’s about that time for you, MR. frilly panties! Think about that.
Since we are being so honest, there are a few other things I would like to air. I hate it when you rip the ends of bread off of my ham sandwiches and stick them back in my lunch bag. It makes me want to crumple them up and rub them all over your head, but you would surely enjoy that!
I also hate the way you never eat any of the food you touch, Every time you touch my food I want to kick you in your crotch!!!
Also, Diane is not your real friend. Remember that secret that you shared? Well Diane shared it with everyone. Now everyone knows you are the food bandit and you wear ladies underwear and they all laugh at you behind your back.
I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I really like you. I value our relationship. But I cannot go on pretending that shoving my wedding cake down your pants hasn’t happened. If you care enough about me and this relationship, I am sure you would agree to quit the company and never ever return!!!!
Ms. Still missing her wedding cake!
P.S. The company wanted to chip in for a going away present please enjoy the billboard of you posing in womans underwear on the way to the unemployment office! P.S. This is a made up story, I am actually a very sweet girl!!!!
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